4 Weird-ass things from the bottom of the ocean:

Ever wondered what it would be like to live at the bottom of the ocean?

I'll tell you:It would be scary as hell. Here's four (of a great many) reasons why:

4: Colossal squid:
More people have heard of the Giant Squid. The colossal squid is the squid that's bigger than that. It's longer than most peoples houses are wide (fourteen  meters), it's eyeball is wider than a mans foot is long, and its tentacles are lined with swivelling three pointed hooks.

A close up of the tentacles of a colossal squid. I rang Chuck Norris, and he told me that if he did find anything scary, this would be it.

3: Giant Amoeba:
Amoeba are single celled creatures. So they have just one cell, versus your billions, and they should be a lot smaller than you. In a non-threatening 'as mother nature intended' way.

Well mumma nature has something kinky in the closet, it seems. No-one told the deep ocean amoeba they were meant to be small, and so they grown to the size of Chuck Norris's left testicle*  (that's eleven centimetres folks) :

 

That's one cell. If one cell gets that big down there.....

2: Giant isopods:

Do you get that weird squirmy feeling from the kind of bugs that live under damp rocks in the garden? Then don't look at this...

.....whoops, too late. This is a gigantic deep sea relative to the woodlouse. One hundred and fifty meters down they scuttle about, scavenging for morsels from above.....

1: Humbolt Squid:

Spanish fishermen call them the 'Red Devils'.

They live in shoals that can be over a thousand strong. They're about the size of a person, and (when not feeding) show highly intelligent behaviour: They hunt in well organised units, and show a basic grasp of strategy.

Video above: KQED documentary on Humboldt squid. It's ten minutes long but worth the time, seriously. 

Civilised critters, huh?

Welll....When feeding they flash from bright white to deep red - it's a signal, right? It means: 'The shit has just hit the fan'. Then they'll attack fish, they'll attack sharks, they'll attack fishermen, they'll attack scuba divers, deep sea cameras, each other......  researchers who study them wear full body armour when getting into the water with them.

Oh, and those tentacles? They're lined with thousands of razor edged teeth.

Honourable mention: Megashark and Giant Octopus.

 

Yes, I know they're not real.... I just wanted to bring them up again



*I'm only joking Mr Norris, please don't kill me.